I said I was in a kerfuffle and you said what? and I said I was in a kerfuffle. We just finished lunch at one of those places where you pay with a QR code before you even see the food and you were watching the couple sitting next to us as they devoured a plate of fried rice. They were the only other white people there and they were making a mess. It was real entertaining to watch the peas and carrots and little scraps of egg land all over the table and your nose did the thing where it twitches when you’re frustrated while I fumbled around with ums and ands and likes. I was gonna make a joke about how bad you are at poker on account of the nose thing and that made me forget my whole speech I had planned so I tried to remember it but it was like building a castle with only the water from the moat and then I just came out and said it. I found Rett’s dog. Boy that made you whip around fast. Thank God you said even though you stopped being religious a few months ago. He was really starting to get on my nerves. Not that I love having that mutt in the house but it’s better than Rett punching a wall every hour. You looked at me expectantly but I was busy thinking about the other day when I was making breakfast and Rett said move and I had my earbuds in and he yelled at me to get the jam with his name on it. I was like what the fuck dude and he apologized. He said that he was just so angry at himself for letting the dog run away. I was feeling real bad but then you tapped me on the shoulder and I went ahead and told you the story.

I was taking my morning walk and I saw a dog I was pretty sure was Rett’s being walked by a young boy. He looked around eight or nine. Much too young to be walking a dog by himself even in a nice neighborhood but anyway of course that pup recognized me. He licked my face and stuff and the boy tried to reign him in but of course you know how excited he gets. So the dog is all over me and the boy is apologizing and in my head I’m like this is definitely Rett’s dog right but I want to make sure so I ask the boy how long he’s had him. And he said only a week sir and that he found him on the side of the road looking all sad. Super cute kid right? Anyway now I know for sure and I’m about to say something but then the dog finally settles down and the boy gives him a big hug is all like he’s my new best friend and they both just looked so happy and I panicked.

You looked up at me with wide eyes and your nose twitched. I was about to keep telling the story but then you asked did you get his name or his address at least and I shook my head. I started to say I wasn’t gonna take the pup from him but I barely got halfway through before you started getting mad. Well you were already mad (nose thing) but then you were all like how could you do this and Rett has been the absolute worst and Christ I can’t sleep at night and I started thinking alright bud I get it. Just cause your room is next to his doesn’t make you a martyr you know. But you kept going on and on and I couldn’t get a word in and even the couple next to us who mind you just snapped at a waiter to get their check gave you a look. That was the end of the line for me so even though I didn’t get to the important part I just let you keep talking. You said kids these days are getting phones earlier and earlier so he could’ve called Rett or at the least his mom. He doesn’t sound friendly to me he sounds like a snot-nosed brat. I said I’m sure he would’ve seen the posters we put up especially around here and I saw your gears turn and you said and you’re sure he said he found him on the road like our road like Beale Street and I said yeah and you said I mean and then you paused and I tried not to smile. I mean followed by a long pause means you’re about to say something dumb and boy did you deliver. Like when you planned Rett’s surprise party. I mean if we hold the cake sideways we can fit it through the door. You said it feels like this kid stole Rett’s dog and I couldn’t hold it in and I laughed like ha ha ha. Then I recomposed and got real serious. I said It’s crazy but you might be right and you went on with evidence and facts and whatever. The dog disappeared like ten seconds after Rett realized he had the door open and he didn’t bark and he had his red collar on. Did the kid’s dog have a red collar? you asked and I lied and said yeah all enthusiastically. All happy you solved the case you stood up and your chair screeched back and the couple next to us looked back again but you didn’t care. Jesus well let’s track the imp down then you said and I was more than happy to play along.

I get that three hours is a pretty long time to let you wander around but you kind of deserved it. I know I should’ve told you that Rett found the dog that morning and that I did track the kid’s dog down and it was just the same breed but I’d say we’re even now especially because I didn’t tell Rett that you let the pup out in the first place. Hopefully hearing it from my side makes you feel a bit better.